Bullwinkles Region (Everything that Falls in Between) Round One
Thus far, each region has had a specific theme – Level 8 celebrated individuals and institutions that either had a fantastic year, or a year so insane they had to be recognized for just surviving it. Proof Brewing hosted the achievement region as we saw FSU Admissions dominate on the astroturf. And, Madison Social brought us the Tailgate region where we remembered the blissfulness of magical March Madness and a run by our Men’s Basketball Team. But for every rooftop bar, cornhole tournament, and Madison Mule there are some things that never really fit in, some things that are as equally unlike the rest of the field as they are like them. Bullwinkles’ miscellaneous misfits have found a home in the Tennessee street saloon, as their favorite night of the week is Thursday where they meet up with the rest of the bar’s eclectic crowd to wait in line for hours just to pound as many drinks before the all-you-can-drink special comes to an end at the strike of 1am. This region features everything from frat bros, to vegetables, all the way to bed bugs. Strap in, get your moose card stamped, and watch the antics play out because anything can happen in this region.
(1) On-Campus Renovations vs. (8) Innovation Hub
I’m a little biased with this matchup because the Innovation Hub replaced my favorite Finals Week study spot in the Goldstein Library. Although I could return to the same spot and find a study area in the Hub, I am too scared to embark on the journey into the world of innovation, as I don’t want to be confronted by groups of entrepreneurs to check out their 3-D printed action figures, or coins, or pens, or whatever people
need to 3-D print. As you can tell, I am little bitter but that should not take away from the amazing amenities the Innovation Hub offers, such as, the previously mentioned 3-D printer, virtual reality lab, and high-end graphic workstations. I hate to say it, but the Innovation Hub is pretty neat-o and is deserving of all the fantastic future student-innovators that will walk this campus, but it doesn’t stand a lick against this overwhelmingly broad number one seed. On-Campus Renovations could be a dominant force during any yearly FSU Bracket, but this year has been especially different. From the new Magnolia and Azalea Halls, to the sad end of the Oglesby Union, Florida State continues to excel in their immense amount of construction. On-Campus Renovations power through to the second round.
Winner: On-Campus Renovations
(4) The Eggplant vs. (5) John Walker
If you don’t know what The Eggplant is, then you probably don’t go to Florida State. Dominating the satire scene at FSU, The Eggplant quickly started to overtake Facebook and Twitter screens across FSU’s campus with older classics such as, “Student Kicked Off Quidditch Team After it’s Discovered He’s Only Seen the Movies,” and “Girl Probably the Queen of England Wearing Tiara at Pot’s.” Founded in the spring of 2014, The Eggplant has become an FSU household name and most likely won’t be going away anytime soon, but what makes this matchup so interesting is the person they’re going up against. John Walker, the independent candidate who ran for student-body President dropped a bomb-shell after this recent election. Losing to the Unite Party’s Stacy Pierre (you can read her breakdown in the Level-8 Region of the
bracket), by 75%, Walker released a statement claiming the secret society Burning Spear not only has been infiltrating FSU Student Body elections, but has been involved in conspiracy with local Tallahassee politics. In an interview with the Tallahassee Democrat, Walker said, “We’re hoping to raise awareness on campus about the organization and their influence on student government and the organizations that students are first introduced when coming to FSU,” in regards to the release of his statement.
So, how does this tie in with The Eggplant? Well thanks to The Eggplant’s investigative journalistic efforts, they were able to obtain and publish the statement John Walker released through their clever format of satire. Without the The Eggplant, the John Walker story would have been swept under the rug and Burning Spear would not have been in the limelight. So a big thank you to both of these competitors for this bombshell, but The Eggplant will be moving on for their ability to shine a light on a possible conspiracy that is probably far from over. As for John Walker, he or another independent candidate could make a run next year, and further solidify their case against mainstream Student Government Parties. The bombshell has been dropped, it’s just up to public opinion at this point to see if an actual investigation will come to fruition of the possible corruption. Keep an eye out!
Winner: The Eggplant
(3) Greek Life vs. (6) College Town
You can’t be serious right? With the year Greek Life had, how can they stand a chance against one of the fastest growing sectors in Tallahassee? Well, think about it for a second. Greek Life had probably one of the worst semesters in Florida State history, as it was banned indefinitely during the beginning of November, but just like that they were back as President Thrasher partially lifted the ban at the beginning of 2018 allowing recruitment and philanthropic activities, and then in an ultimate move, he decided to lift the five month alcohol ban on all registered student organizations, which obviously includes fraternities and sororities. The ups and downs of Greek Life are compared to one steady up for College Town as their inclusion of a Publix, and the decision to move the Friday Night Block party there were massive wins for the newest “place to live,” for college students in Tallahassee. In my opinion, College Town will always be appreciated, as it is slowly turning “Talla-nasty,” into “Talla-not-so-nasty.” But, I hate to say it is not enough to go up against an organization that had to secretly binge-drink for only five months, after one of their members died for that exact reason. Greek Life, had an unfortunate, terrible, despicable, abhorrent, and overall awful year, yet they manage to still exist. They move on.
Winner: Greek Life
(2) Bed Bugs vs. (7) FSU Film School
The FSU Film School is the one exception to this bracket. It is an amazing program that produces some of the most beautiful pieces of art this school is capable of, has a group of students that work harder than a 3rd-year med student, and they had an incredible year… last year. That’s right, the Film School is the only competitor in this bracket based off of their performance from last year, but if one of the alumnis from another school or organization wins the Oscar for Best Picture, then let me know, because that is down right awesome and should be recognized for the rest of time. FSU alumnus Barry Jenkins’ Oscar win was absolutely amazing for Florida State’s notoriety, and if this was a bracket about last year then the Film School would have a Final Four spot locked up, but it isn’t, and even more importantly is that it is going up against a monster that no one wants to deal with – Bed Bugs, capital B, capital B. If you didn’t know, Bed Bugs infiltrated the Williams Building striking fear into the hearts of every single english student at Florida State. They move on. Their next target, Greek Life.
Winner: Bed Bugs
Bullwinkles Region (Everything that Falls in Between) Round Two
(1) On-Campus Renovations vs. (4) The Eggplant
The On-Campus Renovations didn’t start and end with the Oglesby Union and the new dormitories, as the Innovation Hub, and the new Black Student Union facility were both built, as well as the refurbishments to the Suwannee dining hall. Man, how life as a freshman is going to be different next year. On-Campus Renovations did have a remarkably busy year this year, but as a student who has been here for the past four years, it always feels like something is always getting torn down, built up, or refurbished. The buildings might be new, but the story is old. As for The Eggplant, it seems like they are creating a new wave of journalism here at Florida State. The Burning Spear story is not the first one that they have broken, as their reputation for investigative journalism began in the spring of 2017. I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but at the beginning of 2017, The Eggplant also broke the story that the President of the Florida State chapter of College Republicans was found guilty of embezzling more than $16,000 and was soliciting sexual favors. Although this happened last year, this is just another example of The Eggplant’s potential as a publication down the road. Their upfront satirical mainstay is also rooted in in-depth on-campus investigative journalism that doesn’t seem to want to stop anytime soon. The Eggplant will always return to their satire, but keep an eye on them as their audience is wide, their voice is strong, and they know it. A big semester and an even bigger story gives The Eggplant the nod over the renovations we are oh so used to.
Winner: The Eggplant
(2) Bed Bugs vs. (3) Greek Life
Let’s have fun with this one. There is no doubt in my mind that bed bug epidemics have broken out in fraternity houses before, but the bed bugs we are talking about aren’t any ole’ bed bugs. These bed bugs terrorized an entire body of students and if they had the chance to do it again, I bet they would. Bed Bugs in the frat houses, which would without a doubt lead to bed bugs in the sorority houses, which would then lead to bed bugs in the bars infecting all the cash flow, slowly making it to dorms, popular greek life apartments, and so so much more. They are truly the herpes of the insect kingdom, and once you have them your lifestyle has to change for a dramatic amount of time in order to get rid of them. Some would even say longer than five months – the amount of time they had to go without alcohol. This hypothetical leads to Bed Bugs moving on not only because of what would be the total annihilation of Greek Life, but also because the significance of Andrew Coffey’s death – also known as, a very very bad look.
Winner: Bed Bugs
Bullwinkles Region (Everything that Falls in Between) Winner to the Final Four
(2) Bed Bugs vs. (4) The Eggplant
I said anything can happen in the Bullwinkle’s region and anything did. Who knew we would have a matchup between an army of human-harvesting bugs versus an extremely underrated vegetable? Let’s recap, Bed Bugs tore through both the Film School and Greek Life, boosting their resume to taking out two different facets of campus culture. On the other hand, The Eggplant barely beat John Walker before taking on a tough number one seed in On-Campus Renovations where they found themselves in their investigative journalistic unit to help them push through. Now this matchup is full of antics, bug bites, and eggplant parmesan, as I am once again going to praise the efforts by the satirical publication who were able use their savvy and and large reaching mouthpiece to shed light on a story that hopefully, is far from over. Since this wild region was full of hypotheticals, let’s just say The Eggplant found Bed Bugs colluding with the cockroaches in Diffenbaugh in order to find a way into the Williams building. Aha! Busted! The cockroaches will pay for this too. The Eggplant heads to the Final Four.
Winner: The Eggplant