When attending a university with a reputation like FSU’s, it is inevitable for us first-years to have numerous expectations; in my case, some have been far surpassed, while others have fallen hilariously short. Through the lens of a freshman, I will dive into those that made the cut.
In regards to FSU campus
First, in honor of our top party school ranking, I thought it would only be right to start with the Tallahassee nightlife. In the nightclub department specifically, I expected the bars to be overcrowded, poorly ventilated, and to host sweaty masses of people, while pulsating with hypermasculinity. To no surprise, I was right on the money. Not a bad start, eh?
There’s one oddity that I can’t say I expected. All of FSU’s infamous clubs share one thing in common: the notorious, mysterious, dark brownish sludge that is never in low supply on the slippery yet sticky club flooring. The obscure force/entity manages to travel from outside to every square inch of the dance floors, never forgetting to pick up urine from the bathroom floors on the way, ultimately creating a monstrous snowball effect. How is it able to plaster everything in its path so effectively? Where does this alien substance really come from? The FSU student population may never know.
On the other hand, the Florida State Campus is ravishing; I could talk about its beauty all day. I could provide facts about the luscious greens, cascading fountains, old-fashioned brick buildings, and sacred Oak trees.
But, this column was made for entertainment purposes, not for providing useful information pertaining to the landscape–or anything else for that matter.
I’d much rather discuss the bat-shit crazy squirrels that attempt to steal food or are too busy battling other squirrels. In fact, I was lucky enough to witness an intense squirrel showdown after the first couple days of arrival. Whether this dispute was over food, over territory, or just for extracurricular activity, is still unknown to this day. I expected and knew the alluring FSU campus all too well, however I didn’t know that we are home to a rare breed of squirrels that don’t feel the need to do regular squirrel things. For instance, they’d rather attempt an unrealistically long jump between trees than to navigate the normal way, and their preferred meal consists of student-snatched Hot Cheetos opposed to boring old nuts.
I expected and knew the alluring FSU campus all too well, however I didn’t know that we are home to a rare breed of squirrels that don’t feel the need to do regular squirrel things.
Freshman Dining
Moving forward, I thought another expectation that simply had to be addressed was the infamous freshman fifteen. Here I was, thinking that such rumors were mere rubbish. Little did I know; the main dining hall comes equipped with a fully functional ice cream machine. When I first caught a glance of it, I forgot whether I was attending a University ora cruise ship! Standing tall next to the machine, is a cookie buffet loaded with other varying desserts that are always available- unless it is a Sunday night, of course. If it’s a Sunday night, you’re lucky if you get any food at all. Finding food is especially difficult for me, because not only am I a freshman, I’m a vegetarian as well. Sometimes my only source of nutrition, if I want to stay vegetarian, comes from pizza and calzones, so I’m especially subject to the disreputable fifteen-pound curse.
This next topic isn’t so much an expectation as it is just an unfortunate reality. For all you germaphobes, you may want to skip this paragraph. With an on-campus population of nearly 33,000 people, the rate of spreading germs is probably higher than that of most gas-station bathrooms. That said, you are blessed if you’ve made it this far into the year without catching a cold. I’m only three weeks in, yet my congested nostrils sound like a rampant locomotive whenever I unsuccessfully attempt to draw air in. I’d apologize to all the library attendees around me, but most of their noises are in harmony with mine.
Sometimes my only source of nutrition, if I want to stay vegetarian, comes from pizza and calzones, so I’m especially subject to the disreputable fifteen-pound curse.
Dorm life
Next, we’ll move on towards dorm life. Before I even was able to see this reality, I had to find parking, which I am actually- believe it or not -still in the process of. I send my sincerest condolences to you actual campus-drivers; I wish I could dedicate a paragraph to you guys, but, fortunately, I am a campus-walker instead. Yes, it’s gotten to the point that I would rather not own a car then attempt to find parking here at FSU.
I expected laundry day to be jolly, full of laughs, and super college-esque. Now, after a full week of routinely administering the sniff-test, I realize how horribly wrong I was. I do understand that I shouldn’t judge the process without having done it, but I can already tell how much I’ll despise it based off my roommates’ testimony. Plus, I’ve checked my daily planner twice and I don’t see any time openings for it. Oh well, I’ll get around to it eventually. I apologize to my adjacent library attendee, but I bet they understand. There’s no way I’m the only one.
I, for some reason, expected there to be a fridge full of water bottles waiting for me. To my dismay there wasn’t. I am now a sink-water drinker and couldn’t possibly be less proud. The various solutions to this problem are completely doable; Brita filters aren’t outrageously expensive, I know, but between typing this and attending my next class- which I’m already five minutes late for- it’s just not in the cards. Perhaps inertia is the culprit here. At any rate, you can call me lazy, broke, ungrateful, or all the above–I get it. I also get a rather peculiar, almost cheerio like after taste with each sip of my room temperature water. Cheers!
Last, but not least, I expected a scary experience but that is certainly not what I received. FSU is an amazing community and is a great place for meeting new people, gaining knowledge, exploring yourself, and most importantly, watching squirrels go ape-shit!
